GB*

Sometimes, it is so easy to completely overlook how lucky you are. It is so easy to complain, to highlight the negative and look back on what used to be without seeing what your blessings are right now. And sometimes it takes a life-changing event to shock you back into reality, and make you see what is really important and who is really important. Wow Jess, pretty deep. I sound like I am on some kind of hippy-quarter-life-crisis, but I am having this overwhelming feeling right now of trust. I am heading in the right direction, hopefully. I will always remember that lyric from Baz Luhrman, 'Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. But don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself too much.' Right now I am ahead in some things, and behind in others. But my heart feels happy. And it has taken me a while to realise just how happy. I still concentrate far too much on other people, and worry about how I am seen, and what people think but I have recently learnt to have a more confidence in my ability and in believing in what I can and do, rather than concentrating on what I don't and can't. There is this weird culture, and I swear it is more in us Brits than anyone else I have met, but we don't WANT to believe in ourselves. We feel like it would be rude to. We don't like compliments, we don't take them easily and most of the time we don't believe them. We can't see what is great about us, and if we can we don't talk about it because it isn't a 'done' thing. People don't like success, in any part of life whether it be a relationship, a job, school or money. It breeds anger and resentment, and bad feeling. We always play ourselves down. It is a weird way to be, and I find it difficult because I want to be positive about my good parts, and recognise them, and be confident because of them. But instead I dwell on the bad bits, the parts which need changing, or compare myself to others who are better. It is a really weird culture and I am not sure where it has come from, but I really find myself resenting it, especially when meeting people of other cultures who just don't have that embarrasment when it comes to themselves. But we are all different, and good at different things. Our skill get others inspired, make them strive for more just as theirs inspire us. If everyone was fantastic, and beautiful and perfect then it would also mean no-one is beautiful, or inspiring. Basically this is just a post which is a little strange because things have been changing for me a lot recently. Socially, a lot has changed. And, although sometimes at the time I was upset by the changes, and couldn't see how things were going to get better, it has. So I guess someone deserves a thank you. I am hoping that things are going to continue to change. I don't want to jinx anything but I really really hope. Fingers crossed that this incline stays up :)