I am sick of big feet.

The difficulty in living in a small town/city/island is that when there are a lot of people with big feet you tend to get trodden on a lot.

Jersey is that kind of place. I had completely forgotten what it is like to live here until this weekend. Whatever you do, or say someone will hear you, someone will see you or know who your out with or be cousins with who your out with, or be their cousins babysitter or some crap. Literally take me somewhere where I know no one, where everyone has tiny feet that you can't easily stand on. Good Lord.

It's like some kind of incestuous pit where even if you try at great lengths to avoid anyone who you know, or your mate knows, or your sisters mate knows, you WILL get pissed off and you WILL piss people off. Whatever you do. Always.

I hate that circles have to mix. I hate that awkward feeling you get when you don't want to see that person, you feel weird about your mates hanging with them, and you generally want them to just disappear from the planet yet they continue to REMAIN. And I hate that feeling you get when YOU are the one hanging out with the people who are linked to your mates, and it shouldn't matter, but it does, and your just mates, but it's still SHIT. I wonder if you can tell I am highly irate?

I cannot honestly believe that I have to stay in this place for another two years. I don't actually feel as though I can do it. I've done it for a couple of months and I am about to kill someone. Maybe it will be different when my friends come home. If they come home. They bloody better come home.

I literally feel like sitting in my room, lying in my bed for the next few weeks. Not seeing anyone, not going out just sitting. And I am not even depressed, it just saves me from foot pain.

I can't even explain how happy I am that I am going to Brighton next weekend to see Bells, Jade and Gina. Even those three days away will help, I know it. Ease this tension, and hopefully I can come back totally fine, and calm and able to cope again. Pleeeeeease. Otherwise, Good Lord.... I have absolutely no idea how I am going to do this????